This is going to be a tough post to write. Yesterday was Resurrection Sunday, and what I took away from it was disappointment. Instead of joyously celebrating the most important event in the history of time (and non-time, for that matter), I performed, and poorly, at that. I put pressure on myself to perform in several ways and didn’t deliver the results that I expected. Thankfully, God doesn’t care about my performance but cares about my heart and gave me a good gut-check this Sunday.
However, there are several things I learned yesterday and wanted to pass them along:
1. Ask for help. I did the sunrise service by myself. It was fine, but I wish I would have asked for other input to make it better.
2. Organize your music. Because I had a song on my stand with copies in two different keys I ended up with the wrong music. I was able to play it correctly after a pretty nasty train wreck intro that was completely my fault, but this situation could have been easily fixed.
3. Trust your memorization skills. After the service was complete we did the train-wrecked song again. While playing this time, I played it perfectly and barely had to look at my music.
4. Stop performing. I just realized as I was writing this that every time we play a song for the service as a postlude or sending song while people are heading out of the sanctuary I am completely more relaxed, play without my music, and enjoy the song much more. This proves to me without a doubt that I am struggling with the “performance” aspect of worship and music ministry and need to give this a swift death. If I’m feeling tense and pressured only during the time when the congregation is singing with us and relaxed when they’re not paying attention that’s bad news and tells me that I’m letting the approval of man dictate how I lead worship.
5. Spend more time on your weak areas. I let some things fall through the cracks logistically because I am definitely not a detail person. My worship coach this weekend confirmed that as well with some exercises we did and reminded me that I need to work on my weaknesses constantly because they don’t come naturally to me.
Question: are you “performing” in your worship ministry in the way that you’re hoping more for your own approval and the approval of others instead of joyously worshiping our awesome God?
I’m realizing that it’s a struggle for me and perhaps you can relate and would be willing to pray for me.